Happiness, where are you?

March 20, 2020

What makes us feel happy can be very different: ice cream, a word of praise, the sunrise or the birth of a child. All sorts of things have the potential to make us happy. However, happiness is a disguise artist, so we often overlook it.

Whoever finds it is right to feel fortunate – in the truest sense of the word. “Happiness is an extremely strong, positive emotion. A perfect, lasting state of intense satisfaction,” according to a psychological definition.

What may sound like philosophical prose can actually be measured. Happiness can be observed in the brain with the help of MRI, according to German neurologist Christof Kessler.

“We have a special center in the brain, the so-called mesolimbic system, also called the happiness center. When we experience something impressive, like a good report card or the birth of a child, this center is activated, and dopamine floods the brain.” Dopamine, also known as the happiness hormone, is responsible for the overpowering feeling of happiness, says Kessler.

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Infographic: What does happiness mean to you?

Intoxicated by happiness

Those who know these moments of happiness know how wonderful the sensation is; it must not stop, we feel, and if it has to stop, then please let it come back quickly. This is exactly where the evolutionary sense of this emotion lies: “The feeling of happiness is connected with the desire to repeat the whole thing,” says Kessler.

Successful behavior is thus rewarded with a rush of happiness, and the intoxicated person is motivated to repeat the heroic deed. Kessler says this has been of decisive importance for the development of humanity.

“Unfortunately, drugs also stimulate the happiness system,” admits Kessler. Heroin, tobacco or alcohol make us believe in short-term happiness and this is one of the reasons why we become addicted so quickly. The hunt for happiness can therefore also lead into a trap.

Not all happiness is the same

Happiness has different manifestations; the vehement, fleeting rush of happiness is only one of them, says Johannes Michalak, chair of clinical psychology and psychotherapy at the University of Witten/Herdecke. Michalak is also a mindfulness researcher.

Mindfulness finds its origins in Buddhist teachings and meditation. In the West, the training of mindfulness has become known mainly through various psychotherapy methods.

Infographic: The world's top 10 happiest countries 2019

Those who believe that happiness can only be found where the dopamine level is as high as possible are very dependent on external circumstances. And as is well known, at least according to the German idiom, life is not a pony farm, i.e., it’s no never-ending party.

“With mindfulness, attention is focused on the experience that unfolds in the here and now, and in a non-judgmental way,” explains Michalak.

Anyone who has ever watched children play should have an idea of what “being in the here and now” might mean. They do not find it difficult to completely immerse themselves in the moment. The past plays just as little a role as the future does.

“In our everyday lives, however, we are often either busy thinking about the past or the future. So we are very rarely in the only moment in which we are really alive: the present,” says the mindfulness researcher.

Happiness requires courage

Thus, we are constantly missing something. “The treasure of every moment gets lost to my fixation on problems,” says Michalak. Anyone who spends a lot of time thinking about the annoying boss, the not-so-nice colleagues or the exhausting husband is unlikely to notice the cool autumn air and the bright colors of the foliage during a walk.

So, we rob ourselves not only of the many small moments of happiness; eternal brooding can lead to depression. And mindfulness can also help here. Concentrating on the moment interrupts the brooding process. Instead of constantly losing yourself in fuming about the boss, attention can be focused on what one is actually experiencing in that moment.

Only those who take the time to focus on their own existence are ultimately capable of action, explains Michalak: “Mindfulness can help to make decisions: Is the boss so annoying that I have to change jobs? Or maybe I can even accept him as he or she is.”

Pain is part of it

Mindfulness does not only mean that the beauty of this world is revealed to me, with its blooming flowers, singing birds and delicious ice cream. Above all, those who are mindful feel themselves – and that can sometimes be very painful.

To perceive and accept one’s own anger or grief is an essential aspect of mindfulness, says Michalak. This is what he means by “non-judgmental.” A large part of human unhappiness is that we are constantly on a warpath with supposedly negative feelings – instead of simply letting them come and go.

So, the good news is that the mindful person finds happiness everywhere. The bad news is that the path to happiness is not necessarily painless. Of course, there is still the possibility of seeking happiness in the kick: through sex, food or with the help of drugs.

But happiness is not just happiness. “Studies have shown that children have a negative impact on their parents’ life satisfaction,” says Michalak. Lack of sleep, stress and the feeling of no longer having a life of their own make everyday life with a baby less comfortable and more likely to cause dissatisfaction than intoxicating feelings of happiness. “However, the Eudemonic quality of life, i.e., a deeply felt sense of purpose in life, increases.”

And that is a happiness that can only be born in pain.

Ten Ways to a Happier Life

Connect with people!

Relationships are the most important overall contributor to happiness. People with strong and broad social relationships are happier, healthier and live longer. Close relationships with family and friends provide love, meaning, support and increase our feelings of self worth. So taking action to strengthen our relationships and create new connections is essential for happiness.

Ten Ways to a Happier Life

Do things for others!

Caring about others is fundamental to our happiness. Helping other people is not only good for them and a great thing to do, it also makes us happier and healthier too. Giving also creates stronger connections between people and helps to build a happier society for everyone. And it’s not all about money – we can also give our time, ideas and energy. So if you want to feel good, do good!

Ten Ways to a Happier Life

Take care of your body!

Our body and our mind are connected. Being active makes us happier as well as being good for our physical health. It instantly improves our mood and can even lift us out of a depression. We don’t all need to run marathons – there are simple things we can all do to be more active each day. We can also boost our well-being by getting outside and making sure we get enough sleep!

Ten Ways to a Happier Life

Have goals to look forward to!

Feeling good about the future is important for our happiness. We all need goals to motivate us and these need to be challenging enough to excite us, but also achievable. If we try to attempt the impossible this brings unnecessary stress. Choosing ambitious but realistic goals gives our lives direction and brings a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction when we achieve them.

Ten Ways to a Happier Life

Notice the world around!

Ever felt there must be more to life? Well good news, there is! We just need to stop and take notice. Learning to be more mindful and aware can do wonders for our well-being in all areas of life – like our walk to work, the way we eat or our relationships. It helps us get in tune with our feelings and stops us dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. So we get more out of the day-to-day.

Ten Ways to a Happier Life

Take a positive approach!

Positive emotions – like joy, gratitude, contentment, inspiration, and pride – are not just great at the time. Recent research shows that regularly experiencing them creates an ‘upward spiral’, helping to build our resources. So although we need to be realistic about life’s ups and downs, it helps to focus on the good aspects of any situation – the glass half full rather than the glass half empty.

Ten Ways to a Happier Life

Keep learning new things!

Learning affects our well-being in lots of positive ways. It exposes us to new ideas and helps us stay curious and engaged. It also gives us a sense of accomplishment and helps boost our self-confidence and resilience. There are many ways to learn new things – not just through formal qualifications. We can share a skill with friends, join a club, learn to sing, play a new sport and so much more.

Ten Ways to a Happier Life

Find ways to bounce back!

All of us have times of stress, loss, failure or trauma in our lives. But how we respond to these has a big impact on our well-being. We often cannot choose what happens to us, but we can choose our own attitude to what happens. In practice it’s not always easy, but one of the most exciting findings from recent research is that resilience, like many other life skills, can be learned.

Ten Ways to a Happier Life

Be comfortable with who you are!

No-one’s perfect. But so often we compare our insides to other people’s outsides. Dwelling on our flaws – what we’re not rather than what we’ve got – makes it much harder to be happy. Learning to accept ourselves, warts and all, and being kinder to ourselves when things go wrong, increases our enjoyment of life, our resilience and our well-being. It also helps us accept others as they are.

Ten Ways to a Happier Life

Be part of the big picture!

People who have meaning and purpose in their lives are happier. They also experience less stress, anxiety and depression. But where do we find ‘meaning and purpose’? It might be our religious faith, being a parent or doing a job. The answers vary for each of us but they all involve being connected to something bigger than ourselves. Source of all tips: www.actionforhappiness.org